So your Boyfriend is now your Missionary?

My experience of adjusting from a close relationship to a long-distance relationship.

One of the greatest joys in my life so far, has been the opportunity of being in love with my best friend throughout high school. Gabe and I met during my junior year and his senior year of high school through marching band. We went through may highs and lows through the year we became best friends, and started dating. The hardest thing I ever did, was let him go on a mission though.I had always dreamed of marrying a returned missionary as a kid, but never imagined myself in a relationship during high school. I was hesitant to get in a relationship because I knew Gabe would be leaving on a mission in just a few months, and I didn't want my heartbroken. After some persuasion on his part, and just spending more and more time together, I finally gave in, and we started dating. I was still nervous about him leaving in a few months, but I realized that I loved him and that trying to wait wouldn't really work. As I look back now, I know that it's exactly what God had in store for us. We were able to learn a lot during the year we dated. Gabe ended up leaving on a mission a lot later than we both originally thought. Those extra 5 months together taught us both a lot. We went through some hard trials, but had each others support to push through them. Of course, the inevitable occurred and Gabe was finally leaving on a mission. The last two weeks he was here were very emotional between us. But, finally the dreaded goodbye occurred, and he left for the mtc. Wow, did my life go on a roller coaster of a ride after that.

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One of the hardest struggles we both went through, was the lack of contact and communication. I always turned to Gabe when something exciting happened, when I needed some help through my bad day, or when I just needed someone to talk to to save me from boredom. It was so hard not being able to just call or text him whenever I needed it. I can assure you that the first two weeks were really hard. I cried myself to sleep many times, and couldn't ever get him off my mind. It was even harder to read his emails each week, and hear how he was struggling with learning the language and getting along with his companion. Even harder than hearing about all of it, was knowing there was nothing I could do to help. It was so hard to hear him tell me he had cried a few times, and all I wanted to do was to be there to give him a hug, wipe his tears away, and tell him it would all be okay. Times were hard then, and we still have hard weeks now, but as they say, time heals all wounds. Not all wounds are healed yet, but time really does help soothe a broken heart. Gabe has been gone for just over 6 months now. I still have hard days where I wish he were here with me. Here's a few things that have helped us make it through this distance that could help you and your missionary too.

Pre-Mission

Have him record some stories so you can hear his voice each night. Gabe and I started a sweet habit of telling each other bedtime stories over the phone while I was on a week long trip on the other side of the country about 6 months before he left. We found that ever since those lonely nights on the other side of the country, that telling each other bedtime stories brought us a lot of comfort and happiness as we fell asleep on the phone a few times a week. For a Christmas story just a couple weeks before he left, Gabe gave me some bedtime stories that he recorded for me to listen to. There were about 25 of them, but I still listen to one of them each night. Having that comfort near me has been such a strength! When we record stories, we just use the voice recorder app on our phones, and then upload them to Google Drive in a shared folder.

One thing that we did and highly suggest you two do (if possible) is to talk to another couple who waited for each other during missions. I have a some neighbors who meet during their sophomore year of high school. They dated for a couple years, but he decided to go on a mission. They told us that their stake president said told them that just because he was going on a mission, didn't mean they had to break up or anything. If you can be a positive support to your missionary, then it's ok for you to email and keep in touch. Just make sure that as you email him, that you keep the emails as positive as possible.

Depending on how close you are to your boyfriends family will determine if this will work for you or not, but knowing your missionaries family can be a great benefit. If you are hoping to Skype while you are apart, you might want to meet his family before he leaves so it won't be as awkward. I have also enjoyed going out to lunch with Gabe's mom and talking about how we can better support him.

During the Mission

One thing that was hard for us was not being able to talk about how great our day was, how we needed someone to listen when we were ranting about something, or when we were having a bad day and just needed someone to comfort us. One thing that helped with this, was by buying a simple notebook, and writing down what we would say if the other person was there.

I found that most the time I was missing him the most was during the evening, so I titled my journal "Late Night Thoughts."

Another thing we do (this was recommended by our high school sweetheart friends I mentioned earlier) is that we send a Book of Mormon back and forth to each other. I ended up buying 3 of the simple Book of Mormons, and as I would read and study it, I would write down notes that had to do with the gospel, missions specifically, and silly thoughts that had to do with us. After about a month of studying in the first Book of Mormon, I put it, a small envelope, and a hand written note in a larger envelope, and mailed it out to Gabe. I was able to keep studying in the 2nd Book of Mormon on my side of the world, while he was studying out of his. After about a month, I sent the second book out to him, and after he received it, he used the small envelope I sent with the first Book of Mormon and he mailed it back to me. We've gotten into this smooth rhythm after a few months. When I get a package from him, I send the current book back and when he gets one from me, he sends the current book back. It is so fun to be able to study the scriptures together, and write down what we've learned so that the other person can read the scriptures from their perspective, and feel like they're closer as you read their had writing. The hand written letters that come in the package are nice to have because they are easier to re-read than emails.

You can see a couple extra notes we write to each other falling from the pages.

Care packages are fun to put together for you missionary, but keep in mind the shipping cost. There were a few times that Gabe's family were sending him a package and asked me if I wanted to add anything into the package that way we could save on some shipping. While Gabe was in the MTC down in Provo, I was able to send him two care packages because I knew that paying the $5 for "same day mtc delivery" (you can look that up and find quite a few places that will do same day delivery on Mondays) would be a lot cheaper than shipping a package across the world. Here is one of the fun packages I put together for him over valentines day.

I quoted Nacho Libre because it's classic we both love!

I bought a bag of the Hershey's "hugs" candy, and also made some "hugs" and "kisses" out of rice crispy treats.

One thing that has helped me while Gabe has been gone as well, is to keep busy. I got a second job right after Gabe left, and it helped fill up the time that we used to spend together. Get a job, start a new hobby, join a club, do something to fill up some of your free time so that you will be too distracted to miss him.

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Transitioning from a long distance relationship to a short one is a difficult process, I won't lie. Especially during the first month, you will find it very hard to keep your tears at bay. I promise that it gets better as time goes on. Be patient and let time take its toll on things :) If you have any other questions about having a missionary, or being in a long distance relationship, feel free to contact me using the forum in the footer. If you have any other suggestions for long distance relationships, feel free to comment below