My Mission Experience
- Emma Gilbert
- Jun 14, 2020
- 13 min read
I once heard of a missionary who wrote down everything they learned from their mission after their service ended. For years they were able to look back and read what they wrote and it was a great blessing for them in their life. I decided to do the same thing. I will be keeping names and location confidential because of privacy, but the following are true stories from my mission.
I was able to do a live video interview with @TempleTouringOfficial a couple months after my mission. This is just one video in a series of videos that Temple Touring has been doing to help missionaries feel closer as their missions end and they move forward with the next phase of life. Here is a link I will share so you can watch the interview :) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3031322393619129
Wow, what a roller coaster this mission experience has been for me. I have learned so much and also struggled more then I ever have in my life! I hope to focus more on my testimony and the things that I learned rather than all the hard things I went through and experienced. I realize that those things are important and have a huge impact on me and my mission experiences. If you feel like you are getting negative vibes as you are reading this, that is probably the reason why.
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#Adjusting #Adulting #Agency #Anxiety #ChristlikeAttributes #CompanionTroubles #Depression #Faith #GeneralConference #GoingHome #LifeSkills #LovingMyMission #MentalHealth #Patience #Pday #Perfectionism #Priesthood #Prophets #RecognizingTheSpirit #ScriptureStudy #TeachingSkills #Testimony #Therapy
MTC
July 24th- Aug 13th, 2019
When I was in the MTC I had to learn to respect other people's agency. I remember being frustrated with my MTC companion and how she didn't want to be exactly obedient like I did. I remember wishing she had that desire and that we would be able to get out of bed and get right to work, but she didn't think that way, and didn't work that way. Through prayer and humility I had to learn that people have agency, and our responsibility is to set a good example for them and hope they will want to follow that example. #Agency
I learned in the MTC that this was going to be an emotionally difficult thing for me. I had a panic attack on my second night there. It was the first one for me in years! It was scary, but my companion knew how to help me handle it at that time. I remember being asked if I would like to see a counselor there on campus. I was too prideful and didn’t do it. I thought that it was a one time thing and that I would get over it. Later I wished that I had gotten help because I still had troubles and problems with it when I got into the mission field. #Anxiety #Adjusting
I had a real test of patience with my MTC companion. We had many doctor appointments to go to, but we and as a result, we missed a good chunk of class. At first it was very fun and quite the luxury, but after a while, it got tiring, and it was hard to spend that much time thinking while in the waiting rooms. I am so grateful for my companion’s patience with me, and for the ways that she served me during this time. I had to be patient and try to love her even though I was a bit frustrated that she didn’t take care of these things before she came on her mission. #Patience
My MTC companion was a hard companion for me to have! She had an interesting reason for coming in the mission field, and didn’t always seem very engaged in the what we were talking about and such. When we would teach lessons she would get on weird tangents, and get off track. It was hard to work with her, and I was just living on the promise that I would only have to be her companion for 3 weeks. I was also so glad we had so much time with our district. It gave me time to spend away from her, and destress a bit. This time with her made me a little worried about going out to the mission field. I was worried that I wouldn’t get along with all my companions. #CompanionTroubles
In the MTC I learned the importance of reading my scriptures every day. We had many days where we just didn't have time to read the Book of Mormon or study the scriptures on our own because we were too busy studying and learning for the lessons that we were going to teach. I missed scripture study so much! It was so sad and so hard to not get that spiritual boost. I also hoped we would get a little more time to read and study on Sundays, but instead we just had tons and tons of meetings! #ScriptureStudy
I loved the fast paced, busy schedule of the MTC! It was so fun to always have things to do and places to be. I had to get used to not being constantly busy when I got out to the mission field, because it just wasn't always cram packed like the MTC. I had to learn to be ok with some down time and slower time in our schedule. #Adjusting
My Training
August 14th- November 5th, 2019-- first area
Once I got out into the mission field, I was hit by a train! I got a companion who was pretty insane about certain things. She also had a lot of qualities that reminded me of my parents. That's not a very good thing... I felt like there was no trust in our relationship, and that we always had to do things her way. I remember so many times where I just cried! I was having like a panic attack a week because I had no one to talk to and no way to get it all out. I should’ve been able to talk to my parents about it on pday, but I couldn’t because she would be listening in on every conversation I was having. It was a very hard time, and I prayed for relief so many times! I remember many times pushing through each day just living and looking forward to going to bed. Then I would wake up the next day with tons of anxiety and worries about having to start the day again. I was blessed to be able to meet with a therapist, and start sorting through my problems with him. #Anxiety #Therapy
I was taught the importance of using scriptures from my trainer. She was really good and using the scriptures in teaching, and I learned a lot of that skill from her. I was able to focus on teaching with the Book of Mormon as I was companions with her. #ScriptureStudy #TeachingSkills
I studied the Christlike attribute of joy while I was in training. I read lots of talks and scriptures about it for those three months. I learned to find joy in the small things and small moments. I also learned to live in the moment instead of always looking forward to things happening in the future, or the end of the day. #ChristlikeAttributes
When we watched general conference, I was amazed at how many talks talked about joy. I was studying that Christ-like attribute at the time, and I found that almost every talk talked about joy. I was especially touched by the talk “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” by Reyna I. Aburto. She talked about suicide and how serious that issue was. I felt like that talk was written for me because at that time I was feeling suicidal. I was feeling alone and like there was no one to talk to and no one who could understand me. That talk gave me courage to reach out to my parents and mission leaders to get help with my anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. #ChristlikeAttributes #GeneralConference #Prophets
One thing that I was so sad about during my training was that no matter who was baptized, I wasn’t completely happy with the way the baptism turned out. I felt like we hadn’t taught the lessons completely or thoroughly enough. I was disappointed that the programs weren’t perfect, or things didn’t run as smoothly as anticipated. I am a perfectionist, and was bothered that we didn’t take the time to make things as perfect as possible. Baptisms are a big deal! When I prepared for my fourth baptism (later with a new companion) I did everything in my power to make it perfect and everything I wanted it to be. #Perfectionism
My companion at this time was a very spontaneous person, and so not having a firm schedule was hard! I tried to talk to her about it, but she just didn’t seem to understand how I felt and what I was saying. We would plan out our day and schedule things, and then we wouldn’t follow the plan! I just didn’t understand why she looked at things like that. I felt like the input that I put in during daily planning in the morning wasn’t being taken as very important. It was hard to feel neglected like that. #CompanionTroubles
One testimony building experience I had during this time was my testimony of our prophets and apostles. We had the opportunity to watch a live devotional via Facebook of President Nelson speaking at BYU Provo. He talked about the laws of God and I just remember feeling the power of the spirit so strong! We watched general conference a few weeks later, and I was able to watch all 5 sessions. I just felt the power of their words and felt the spirit confirm to me that the words of the prophet’s are true. #Prophets
Follow-up Training
November 5th- December 15th, 2019-- first area
My 3rd companion helped me learn that missionary work is versatile. I didn’t have to do everything my trainers way. I could do it my way or my 3rd companion’s way, or whatever way I wanted to. She helped me to enjoy missionary work and realize that the Lord really does appreciate my efforts and my “style” of doing missionary work. He really does like the way I do missionary work, and He used my personality and talents to help others in the area. #LovingMyMission
I learned to find and teach in natural ways while I was companions with my 3rd companion. She helped me realize that I could be myself and do missionary work in that way just fine! It felt good to be normal and natural like that. I realized that the careful versus casual stigma that was associated with the mission was good, but that I could be a little more lenient with it then I thought. #LovingMyMission
A huge thing that I learned was how to enjoy living away from my family. I got the hang of having fun and making fun of the little moments of time that I had in our apartment during the evenings. My 3rd companion helped me get out of my fearful shell and be the funny person that I naturally am. #Adulting
I spent this transfer studying faith. During my first two transfers, I was questioned as to whether I had enough faith to see miracles in the work. I was still hurting a lot from that, so I decided to study faith. One thing I learned and tried to instill in myself was to have faith over fear. Whenever I would have fears or doubts creep into my mind, I would tell myself to have more faith! I learned to use my faith as a way to stay positive. #Faith #ChristlikeAttribute
During this time I learned how important it is to make the most of preparation days. They weren’t what I needed them to be during my training because I would end pday just feeling more homesick and sad. I love traveling and sightseeing and we did a lot of that during this transfer and the next two. I loved it and had so much fun! I’m so glad that another sister in my district was my good friend and we were able to agree and help make these kinds of pdays a priority during our transfers together. #Pday
Training
December 18th, 2019- March 11th, 2020-- first area
The most important thing to me while training was that my trainee and I were friends. My trainee and I became great friends and we had a lot of fun together. It was also such a miracle that I had a heavier “depression cloud” over my mind at that time as well. Normal me likes to work fast and get a lot done. My trainee probably wouldn’t have been able to handle that. Depression slowed me down so that we could work at a better pace for her. #Depression #MentalHealth
I really learned to look for miracles in small things as I was companions with My trainee. We didn’t find very many people to teach and the work was slower because of the holidays. We started looking for miracles in small things like people we were able to share gospel messages with that day, our apartment being repaired, etc. I learned to feel like I did my best every day because of those small miracles I saw. #Miracles
During this time, I learned to recognize that thoughts that were repeated in my mind was one way that I recognize the spirit. Anxiety makes me doubt myself and my thoughts a lot. Before my mission I would rely on thoughts I had in the temple as thoughts truly from God, but outside of it I wasn’t so sure. I learned that repeated thoughts (the good ones of course ;) were from the spirit. I am so grateful that I learned this because it has helped guide me in so many ways! I also came to recognize and cherish the feeling of peace. I love feeling peace in my life and I feel closer to the spirit when I feel it. #RecognizingTheSpirit
I learned to rely upon priesthood blessings even more in my life during these two transfers, but also during my mission in general. I went through some pretty difficult times and was pretty depressed during my 3 months with my trainee. I received a few priesthood blessings and felt so close to God and felt His love so strongly in my life! I was reminded every time of the atonement of Jesus Christ and how it really is a gift there for me. I love the priesthood and studied it for a bit on my mission and when I got home so I could learn even more about it. I hope my testimony in the priesthood continues to grow! #Priesthood #Testimony #MentalHealth
I studied the Christlike attribute of faith a lot during this time. I learned that having faith doesn’t have to be big, huge things you do. It can be small things and the steps leading towards doing something or seeing miracles. By simply taking action, you are having faith. This brought me a lot of comfort because it was so easy to compare myself to others, and feel like my faith was so much smaller, weaker, and insufficient compared to theirs. I also came across the verse Alma 32:27 which has become my favorite verse about faith. “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” All we need is a small desire to believe, and this will work in us until we can fully believe and have full faith in Christ and His gospel.
This was put to the test during my second transfer with my trainee. In a zone conference, my mission president said the following: “Don’t have the faith to try, have the faith to do.” This was so intimidating and hard for me. I have a hard time with big commitments like that, and with making promises. I feel like if I can’t accomplish that thing then I am letting people down and I am a failure, etc. Well I thought about having the faith to do for a few weeks and then realized that yes I had the desire to have that faith! I decided to try to “have the faith to do” for a week. A week couldn’t hurt right? It was only an “experiment” to quote Alma 32. I prayed and told Heavenly Father that for the next week I would have faith to find someone new to teach. I would have faith to do anything He asked me to. As I did this, I came to know and realize that having this kind of faith was a lot easier than I thought. #Faith #ChristlikeAttribute
2nd Area (finally)
March 11th- March 26th, 2020
One thing that I had to learn during this time was to delegate. In my first ward we had a very trunky ward mission leader, and a ward that wasn’t super interested in missionary work. I learned to basically just do all the work myself. I had to learn to rely on our ward mission leader to help us with missionary work. I learned that when we asked if he or the ward counsel could help with something, that that was totally fine and things would actually get done! I know that I need to keep this up and keep asking for help. It really does help ease a lot of stress! #LifeSkills
The most important thing that happened during this part of my mission was deciding to go home. I was getting pretty stressed and anxious during my time in my second area. My 5th companion also has anxiety, so there were definitely times that we pushed each other's buttons and didn’t get along very well together. There were other times where it was super nice because we could totally understand each other and relate so well because we had that same problem.
There was one night about 2 weeks into my time with my 5th companion when I was super anxious and I broke down into a panic attack. I knew I couldn’t handle this much longer, and I felt like I should go home. I was also really scared and nervous though. I haven’t ever been one to quit something once I start. I felt like I would be letting myself and others down. My 5th companion helped me to push past the voices in my head that were making me feel guilty, and realize that yes I needed to go home. As I thought about if I should stay, I felt a feeling of peace and relief inside me, and I knew that it was time for me to come home. I had two companions on my mission who had anxiety and it was nice in a way because they could tell by even the smallest look in my eye or expression on my face that I was anxious. #Anxiety #MentalHealth #GoingHome
Coming home has been hard, but it has been a blessing in my life too. The Corona Virus sent a lot of people home from their missions, and I came home the same time as them. I was so happy and blessed to find that my family was kind, welcoming, and loving to me as I went through the quick transition back to normal life. I served a mission for 8 months, and I’m grateful for every minute I was able to serve in the Missouri St. Louis mission. I know that Jesus Christ loves me and is grateful for my service. I love my Savior, and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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